Can you imagine being in the position where an abortion seems like, or maybe even is, the best option? Perhaps you’re a thirteen-year-old girl who was raped. Or a woman in an abusive relationship, watching your already-born children be beaten or abused along with you. Maybe you know that if your child is born it could take your life, leaving your other children motherless.
Now imagine because an abortion was, perhaps, the best
option, you are now a criminal. Coupled with the emotional trauma of whatever
situation you are in, and the emotional and physical trauma of an abortion, you
are now facing a massive fine and even jail time. It’s an added cruelty by a
system, by people, who should be protecting you and offering their love and
comfort during such a horrific episode in your life. Instead, they’re pointing
fingers and slamming gavels and shaming you.
I’ve heard it said, by people close to me, and even me once
in my ignorance, that “as soon as they chose to have sex, they lost their choice
when it comes to carrying that child.” Let’s pretend, just for a second, that
that’s true. Every woman who chooses to have unprotected sex now must follow
through with that pregnancy.
Fine.
But that means that EVERY woman, every girl, needs to have
free access to reliable birth control. She needs to be taught about more than “abstinence
only.” She needs to know she is safe from any unwanted sexual encounters. When
she does choose to have sex, her partner needs to be 100% on board with
supporting that child after birth. Her parents and others around her need to be
there for her, loving and lifting her up in her motherhood. She needs to have
reliable and affordable healthcare for her and her child. If she made a mistake
and got pregnant out of wedlock, she needs to know that having this child won’t
be the end of her life, her hopes, and dreams. There needs to be no
blackballing, no shaming. Adoption needs to be affordable, for heaven’s sake.
If we can have all those things, then there would be almost
no need for abortions. We wouldn’t be having this polarizing argument about
someone’s choice to have an abortion because she wouldn’t be put in a position
to seek one out.
I think so many people picture Planned Parenthood and other
such places as a refuge for the promiscuous. There’s a line of women who like
to sleep around waiting for their abortion to turn around and have unprotected
sex again to get right back in line.
Really? You really think that’s who abortions are for?
I’m not trying to convince anyone that abortion is good. I don't ever want to advocate for abortion. My
own personal beliefs make my throat tighten and my stomach clench at the
thought of abortions. I empathize with my friends who pro-life because they want to stand up for the rights of that unborn child. I have carried four children of my own, and I can tell
you now, that I felt their spirits, felt their humanity, within my womb from a
very early stage. It guts me to think of a helpless baby being “terminated” in
such a cruel manner. In this way, I am pro-life. I want that life to live, once
it has been conceived, and to have the best opportunity at a fantastic life. I
cannot reconcile abortion in my mind.
But neither can I reconcile the reasons for unwanted
pregnancies. I want that to be the choice when I say I am pro-choice. I
want EVERY pregnancy to be a choice. An eyes-wide-open, supported,
understanding, safe, choice.
Until we live in a world where there are no sexual predators, no hopeless situations where children and women are abused, no medical emergencies, then I think it’s time we worry about the right problem. Let’s eliminate the situations where abortions appear to be the best option. Let's hold men accountable for impregnating women when they don't want it. Better yet, let's hold people accountable to any unwanted sexual encounters of any kind. Let’s erase the stigma behind birth control and affordable healthcare. Let's hold parents accountable for not giving their children the right resources to have protected sex. Let's make adoption an affordable and attractive option to those who cannot care for their child.
I recognize my argument is not perfect. Many of you will come at me with overturning the right to an abortion being more evidence of the patriarchy controlling women and many will come at me from the other side, claiming that supporting abortion means the murder of innocent children. I agree with you on both of these counts, to be honest. Which is why I stand firm in my opinion that until we can eliminate the circumstances where an abortion seems to be the best option, then abortion is not the problem we should be attacking.
Unwanted pregnancies is.
So let's make pregnancy the choice, not the punishment.
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